Noella

My skin feels very sore, and very embarrassing. It is irritable and very itchy all the time. It is uncomfortable. For the seventeen years that I have had Psoriasis it has been bad most of the time. There were only about two years during that time when I didn't have it. They say Psoriasis is hereditary, and also caused by stress. It is mainly stress with me. I get worried and stressed very quickly and that always seems to flare it up.

I remember when I was about sixteen I fell over and cut my elbow. When I woke up the next morning I had a little scab on my elbow. Two days later I was just covered in Psoriasis: all over. When I broke out with it I knew what it was before I went to the doctor because a friend of mine had it. I was pretty upset because when I realised that it was Psoriasis I knew I was going to have it for a long time and I was still young.

I can't do the things normal people do. In the summer I am in long trousers and long sleeves. I don't go swimming, I don't go to keep fit, I don't go to exercise classes. I don't want to be seen, but also swimming would affect it and the exercise pulling on it would hurt too much. There are things I would really like to do that I can't. My little girl is nearly five and I have never been able to take her swimming. I have recently been on holiday and I had to stay out of the sun. I put my hand into the sea at one stage to get a bucket of water for my little girl and that literally just cracked my skin open. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. In a way I have got used to the Psoriasis. I haven't completely got used to the pain; sometimes it does really hurt, but I have got used to it being there.

People look at you in the street, I know it is only curiosity, but people do look at you differently. Going into a shop and handing over your money you find people throw it back at your hand or throw it onto the counter instead of passing it into your hand. They think that you have leprosy. I was on the tube once and two ladies were standing there and I had my hand up holding onto the rail, and one of the ladies said 'can you remove your hand please?' I looked at her and I said 'it is only Psoriasis'. She said 'I don't care, can you remove your hand'. Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't know what to do, but luckily a man tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I would like to sit down. That kind of thing is upsetting. You can feel people looking at your hands. My daughter is not affected; they say it skips a generation so it will be her children who get it. She is fine with me having it, if anyone says 'what is this?' she is the first one to say that it is Psoriasis. She understands.

The Psoriasis is something which is happening to me I suppose. I wish I could get rid of it: I just want it to go. It is hard going with a relationship because when it is bad there are certain things you can't do: I can't cook the dinner for my husband, I can't do the housework, so it does put strain on the relationship. Psoriasis gives you low self esteem. I don't like coming into hospital because I have to leave my little girl, but I think the treatment is brilliant. If it weren't for the hospital giving me this treatment I would be in absolute pain. The only time it gets really comfortable is when I am in hospital. They put creams on so it gets a lot softer. When I came in I couldn't move my arms or legs. I was brought over from the Outpatients on a trolley. This outbreak started about two weeks ago: it gets to the point where I can't bend and I can't walk.